It’s Not Enough…
As a mom, there’s nothing I want more in this world than to see Kaylei, CJ, and Kaso happy, healthy, and proud to call me their mom. Every day, I wake up with that mission in my heart. I work hard, love harder, and stretch myself in ways I never even thought were possible before having them. I go above and beyond because I know what it feels like to go without and I never want them to feel that emptiness. But even with all of my effort, there are still days when I fall short. Times when I can’t be in three places at once. Moments when promises get delayed, when patience runs thin, when expectations aren't met. And every time that happens, it stings in a way that’s hard to put into words.
The truth is: I feel like a failure sometimes. It hurts because they are such “good” kids. They deserve the best of everything the best memories, the best support, the best version of me. And when I miss the mark, I don't just feel like I’m letting myself down I feel like I’m letting “them” down. I imagine the voices inside their heads questioning why things didn't go as planned, and it breaks my heart.
No one tells you that part about motherhood. No one warns you about the nights you’ll lie awake replaying your mistakes. The guilt you’ll carry even when you know deep down you're doing everything you possibly can. No one tells you that "doing your best" doesn't always look like perfection. But I’m learning something important. Love isn't measured in perfection. It’s measured in showing up, again and again. It's in the hugs after hard days, the whispered prayers before bed, the lessons shared even when life gets messy. It’s in every small moment when I choose them over exhaustion, over fear, over everything else demanding my attention.
I hope that one day, Kaylei, CJ, and Kaso will look back and see the love behind every sacrifice, every apology, every second try. I hope they’ll know that even when I stumbled, my heart never wavered. That even when I couldn’t give them everything, I always gave them all of me.
If you're a parent reading this and you feel like you’re not doing enough I see you. I am you. And I’m reminding both of us today: “our love is enough.” We might not be perfect moms and dads, but we are “their” parents and no one else could ever fill that role the way we do. And for Kaylei, CJ, and Kaso: I hope you always know being your mom is the greatest gift of my life. I will never stop trying to make you proud. I love you more than words could ever explain.
XOXO Kaye,